Communication - Fatema Conversation #3

The conversation partner conversations have gotten me thinking about communication in general. What types of communication exist, which is best, which most often leads to confusion, etc. Forms of communication vary from letters, to text messages to "poking"on Facebook, to phone calls. Instead of describing the conversation I recently had with Fatema, I decided to instead look at communication in general, after all, isn't this assignment created in order to learn to better communicate with others?

On a beautiful Sunday last week, one of my good friends and I spend the afternoon at Starbucks: reading books, and the paper, and sipping on lattes in the sun. My friend is a speech pathology major and is currently enrolled in Sign Language. I find it so incredible that she is learning such a sparsely-known language and marveled at her ability to sign "Silent Night". While enjoying our Sunday, we noticed a couple speaking in Sign. My friend's eyes sparkled as she attempted to translate what she knew. Unfortunately, the couple were quite experienced at speaking this way, and she could only decode words here and there. Exhibit A; this language was a perfect form of communication for these people, but landed on deaf ears (no pun intended here... truly) to most others in the coffee shop. This is just one language of so many that blocks certain others from knowing what is being communicated but for them, was just right!

Communication, these days, has taken on such an impersonal form. Commenting on an Instagram "You look cute!" has now substituted a weekly phone call to catch up and see what is going on in your friends' lives. Why is that? What in the world has happened to lead to this lazy, ineffective, and forgettable form of communicating? I think technology is to blame, yes; social media sites and our smart phones making messaging via typing (on numerous platforms) easy and accessible, however, technology's growth cannot be the only reason.... Phone calls do still exist and, believe it or not, the art of letter-writing is still a thing.

I talked to a friend recently about her experience abroad last semester. When asking her what she misses most she, of course, lists off the numerous beautiful destinations she would travel to on the weekends, her host mom, and getting to play around for a semester, but a striking comment she always makes is how much she misses the way she communicated. For example, her and her friends made a pact that at dinners they were not allowed to touch their cell phones and whoever did had to pick up the tab for the table. She said there were awkward silences here and there, but this is natural. After all, people aren't intended to be together having witty and intelligent rapport at all hours of the day. Silence doesn't mean that you don't like the person or that you are dumb, it means here is a moment to breathe, to take in the moment with the person or people you are with. She says the conversations she had abroad were so deep and meaningful because they were forced to not just gossip or get ideas about what to talk about from their phones. They were forced to address one another and perhaps even their feelings in that moment.

This is certainly how it is with our conversation partners. There are awkward pauses, sure, but all in all, these silences force us to grow in our relationship and getting to know one another. It's one of the main reasons I enjoy working with Fatema so much. She allows me to be outside of my comfort zone, just minutes away from my own house. Our communication might be surface level, for now, but over time, conversations will continue to grow simply because of their nature. The people using Sign Language to communicate at Starbucks were meeting face to face, creating a memory of their conversation. However insignificant, face to face communication always sticks with you while a text message holds no real gravity in your life after that interaction. You don't see what the person is wearing, how they are acting, what their mood is, etc. If any of you have seen the movie Her, with Scarlett Johansson and Joaquin Phoenix (a story about a man who falls in love with his operating machine) you might see what I'm getting at. (If you haven't seen the movie... I strongly recommend it!) We must invest our communication in meaningful avenues... ones that are not essentially conversing with a screen and even a virtual human (such as in the movie). My conversations with Fatema continue to remind me of the importance of verbal communication in building, and continuing to build a strong line of communication and creating an actual relationship ship with a person versus simply a virtual one.

A Clean, Well-Lighted Place by Ernest Hemingway

A Clean, Well-Lighted Place
http://www.mrbauld.com/hemclean.html

Having read many of Ernest Hemingway's short stories over the past week and a half, I have become quite intrigued by his life, stories, style of writing, and the analyses that accompany his 'iceberg-style writing'. I decided to read and discuss another one of his short stories titled "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place", which I have linked for those interested in reading, above.

To sum it up, this story is about a deaf, old man who spends his night drinking alone into the late hours of the night. Two waiters, one young and one old, discuss his attempted suicide, taking guesses about what made him do it, and what happened after. The young waiter is anxious to get home to his bed and his wife while the older one wants to let the old man be, and sees himself in the old man admitting that, he too, will one day want a clean, well-lit place to drink alone.

When speculating why the old man attempted suicide, the older waiter asks why he attempted it. The younger one says he was "in despair" about "nothing" because "he has plenty of money." This exemplifies the naivety and youth of the young waiter; thinking that money is the only source of despair. Clearly, the young waiter lacks the life experience required to understand the sort of life the old man might have lived thus far. Young people typically think of themselves as invincible, and often, have not yet been exposed to many of the hardships and trials in life. I know this is certainly true for myself. I certainly see the world through rose-colored glasses! Call me optimistic, naïve, or just young, I like to point out the good in all people, to see the silver lining in all situations, and to ignore the looming hand of death, and violence, and fear, and loneliness that can engulf your psyche, if you let it.

The brief discussion of the girl and the soldier just further juxtaposes the young from the old. "The street light shone on the brass number on [the soldier's] collar", while the "old man sat in the shadow of the leaves of the tree". Why is it that Hemingway had the young couple walking in light and the old man in the dark? I believe this is simply illustrating the hopefulness of the young and the gloominess of the old. An interesting, and saddening, description. This description also draws back to the "well-lit" setting of the bar. The older waiter argues with the younger waiter; "You do not understand. This is a clean and pleasant café. It is well lighted. The light is very good and also, now, there are shadows of the leaves." The entirety of the story is focused on this concept of light; light representing youth, and the shadows sheltering the old. The old are able to come to a bar such as this, well-lit and clean, because perhaps it brings them back to their youth, but also, allows them to hide in their shadow and go unnoticed. Perhaps the light allows the old to reflect on the days they once stood in the light, growing pensive about their youth.

Is the man really deaf? I, personally, do not think so. It seems to me that the old man simply has nothing left to say. The better years of his life have been lived and he might feel as if, even if he spoke, his life and demeanor differ so greatly from those he speaks to. Perhaps he feels too useless or depressed to acknowledge others, especially others as disrespectful and naïve as the young waiter.

I find Hemingway's short stories to be fascinating. They are so short and sweet, but contain so much depth and uncertainty. It is interesting and challenging to analyze the deeper, underlying meaning of these stories (which contain a majority of simple dialogue),and creates good discussion. Based on what I have read and heard of Hemingway's life and personality, it seems that this story is a good reflection of Hemingway's views on the young and the old. Hemingway wrote this story when he was 28 years old, yet he writes as if he sides with the views of the old. Hemingway has a dark, curious demeanor and, to me, I see a lot of Hemingway's internal thoughts and feelings revealed in this short story.

Where is the Water?

Far too often, we forget that the water that so easily flows from our faucets into our sinks, hands, buckets, and cups is a commodity that we pay for and that isn't always going to be available (much to our dismay). This past week, I was suffering from an allergy attack, and shivering in a house not used to insulating the cooler temperatures we've been experiencing. All I wanted was a nice warm shower to help clear my sinuses and warm me up. Little did I realize, the water lines were being work on. I went to turn on the faucet.... AND NOTHING! This was annoying and disheartening, leaving me to shiver and continue to suffer from my allergy season ambush. I couldn't even get a glass of water to quench my thirst or water to wash my hands!

It's times like these when water's value and power over life is realized. Water's availability to me is so expected that I often forget that it has such influence over my actions and can hinder what I want to do. For some reason, a power outage, while equally as annoying and frustrating, doesn't seem to surprise me nearly as much as when the water goes off. I should be able to shower, wash my hands, get a cup of water, flush the toilet, and use the hose whenever I want, right?... Guess not!

This got me thinking about how precious the water I take for granted is, so I looked into some facts on The City of Fort Worth's water conservation site.

• "Studies show that leaking faucets and toilets account for as much as 14% of indoor water use, wasting up to 170 gallons of water each day."

I repeat... 170 gallons each day!!! That means that not only is a dripping faucet you let run annoying, but is adding to this unreasonable and astounding wasted water count.

The website also listed some interesting facts and tips about water usage in the bathroom.
"About 75% of indoor water use is in the bathroom. We all know we can save about 2 gallons of water by turning off the water while brushing our teeth, but check out some other water wise tips that include retrofitting.

• Take a 10 minute shower instead of a bath to save water.
• Toilets manufactured before 1992 use between 3.5 to 7 gallons per flush. A displacement device can save up to 20% of water used.
• Use the sink stopper when shaving, instead of letting the water run.
• Install faucet aerators to cut water consumption."

We were lucky to have the water off for only a short period of time, but this was an eye-opening reminder to foster water-conserving habits, and to remember just how precious water is in every moment of life.

Water Reflection 2: The Fort Worth Water Gardens

The Fort Worth Water Gardens provide a tranquil escape from the hustle and bustle of downtown Fort Worth. There is a calm serenity that overcomes you as you walk by the mesmerizing and captivating pools of water. I arrived 40 minutes early to our class' outing to this preferred classroom. I thought it would be too much time just sitting and staring into flowing water. Wrong!
Every pool is carefully constructed to provide variety and a unique flow of water.

The entrance fountain is beautiful and mysterious. I found myself simply staring into the cascading walls of water for long extents of time, observing those brave enough to climb the steps down to the pool of water at the end, and taking in that natural, lovely scent of fresh, flowing water.

The second fountain is the silent, reflecting pool. This pool is completely still. The perfect place to come and take a breath, embracing serenity in a noisy work day, or stressful school day. I loved observing all of the people that were taking a brief reprieve from their day to simply sit by the pools and reflect. Water has such an innate, calming effect on us. It has the ability to soothe us like a caretaker, to overwhelm us like a God, and silence us, forcing us to reflect on their thoughts and face feelings that are difficult to deal with, or just to stop thinking about schedules and to do lists; even if only for five minutes.

The third pool had a cluster of fountains that continuously spray out water, creating a whimsical effect. This was my favorite pool. I never got bored of watching it and it provided a cool mist on a beautiful, but a little-too-warm-for-October, afternoon.

I thoroughly enjoyed this trip to the water gardens and am glad that this class allows us to be reflective and thoughtful in our study of water.

 

Meeting with Fatema: Day 2

Yesterday I met with Fatema for our second conversation. It was great to see her again. I noticed she was much more comfortable this time, as I was too! We spent the majority of the conversation discussing her history with the English language as well as some fun plans she has for Fall Break to go to Austin with her aunt, uncle, and cousins.

Fatema began learning the English language at a young age in Saudi Arabia. Both of her parents spoke English to her when she was young, which made it a much more natural for Fatema to continue educating herself and getting comfortable speaking English in grade school. When she studied in Australia, she explained that she chose to often sit away from her friends from Saudi Arabia and, instead, sit with classmates from other parts of the world. Her and her classmates would force themselves to only speak English to one another, even if they struggled through some of the phrases. I praised Fatema for this wonderful practice!

Fatema has a  younger sister, 12 years her junior, who is in the process of perfecting her English. Back home, she is attending an American school where the majority of her classes are spoken in English. Fatema says she knows English quite well but struggles with the Arabic language! Their family has a group messaging thread where her sister will often complain and get frustrated when they speak some Arabic that she does not understand! I found this so fascinating. What makes the English language so essential to learn in Saudi Arabia? As for Fatema, she explained that she always wanted to attend university outside of Saudi Arabia, not applying to a single university back home. Instead, she wished to attend school where she would be exposed to new people and new opportunities where English was predominantly spoken.

I still struggle, at times, to follow some of the things that Fatema is trying to say; whether she is speaking too quickly or starting a story from the middle, however, we are able to quickly recover and get on the same page. It's essential to be patient, kind, and respectful in these conversations.

Fatema and her family will be traveling to Austin this weekend which is where I am from. I created a note in her phone with a list of restaurants I hope that she will try; one is home to my favorite breakfast taco in Texas, another serves a scrumptious cheeseburger that is sure to clog your arteries, and another is a well-known Tex-Mex restaurant in Austin. I look forward to meeting with Fatema next week and hearing all about her experience in Austin. It's always fun to discuss your hometown with someone, especially if this is their first visit there! I only wish that I had the ability to go visit Saudi Arabia so that, I too, could get better-acquainted with Fatema and the city that shaped her.

Fatema

Fatema is nineteen years old, from Saudi Arabia, and has one of the sweetest demeanors imaginable. She's soft-spoken, curious, and lovely to be around. Before meeting with her, I was anxious, excited, nervous, unsure, and curious all at once. We settled on conducting our first meeting last Thursday, in the BLUU, to grab coffee after class.

When I approached her, she was sitting with her aunt (who actually turns out to be younger than her) and warmly greeted me as we ventured towards the coffee counter to order drinks from a disgruntled and very unpleasant TCU employee. I made jokes with her to break the ice about how unacceptable this behavior was. 'It's Friday, why should anyone be in a bad mood?!' She giggled and I took a sigh of relief, acknowledging that just because she was from another country, does not mean she can't have a sense of humor and find comedy in the same things as me! Throughout our conversation, it was refreshing to hear that we were able to easily talk about many recent movies and I got to hear her thoughts and see which types of movies she found most entertaining. It reminded me that no matter where you live in this world, there are many forms of entertainment and art that are enjoyed and revered by all.

I was also very pleased with her English. I think one of my biggest fears in regards to this assignment was the fact that communication with a new person can be awkward and difficult to navigate, even when meeting someone from your country...so make that a foreign-exchange student who is practicing their English and you get a big heap of intimidation. I was, however, so impressed with Fatema's knowledge of the English language and her ability to concisely speak her mind. She even made very few grammatical errors! Of course there were times, here and there, when I would have to ask for clarification or for her to repeat her question or answer. I, too, had to repeat myself several times, but this is nothing unusual... I have to do this with even my best friends sometimes!

Fatema lives with her aunt and uncle just five minutes from campus. Her aunt is actually in the IEP program, as well, so I think that is very helpful to have someone she can study with. She has one brother back home in Saudi Arabia and texts and Facetimes with her family almost daily. It's so surreal to see someone from a different continent scroll through the same iPhone that you use on a daily basis and which is so prevalent in the American culture. (Reminds you what a powerful force Apple is in this world...).

I found one of the most challenging parts of the conversation to be appropriately asking about family and what life was like back home. It's difficult to ask this respectfully as you do not know their circumstances, what brought them to TCU, and if they have lost family along the road of their lifetime, however, this is just simply a risk you take when getting acquainted with someone new. However, in this instance it felt slightly different due to the fact that I wanted Fatema to feel as respected as possible. The conversation partner concept is so wonderful and invigorating, however, it can be difficult to know how to learn as much about them as you would like, without seeming like you are grilling them, interviewing them, or simply using them as a means to receive your weekly 'conversation', because, for me, my time with Fatema was so humbling and enjoyable.

I learned a bit about Fatema's time in Australia, where she was last studying. She raved about a small town she frequented and showed me pictures of the beautiful beaches there. I expressed my envy for her world experiences, saying how badly I have been wanting to visit Australia, but explaining my trepidation with such long flights. Fatema could not say enough good things about Australia and strongly encouraged me to travel there.

One other tricky area of the conversation was asking about whether she would be going home or not for the 'holidays'. I do not know necessarily what religion Fatema and her family practice, and this is a topic that is sensitive to just blatantly ask about. So I tried to avoid asking specifically about the holidays and instead ask when she would next get to venture home.

Speaking with Fatema was wonderful. She was curious, courteous, happy, and sweet. I'm anxious to meet with her again soon and look forward to continuing to gain more knowledge about her, her family, her culture, and her life at TCU!

The Big Thirst

"And we only have that one allotment of water-- it was delivered here 4.4 billion years ago. No water is being created or destroyed on Earth. So every drop of water that's here has seen the inside of a cloud, and the inside of a volcano, the inside of a maple leaf, and the inside of a dinosaur kidney, probably many times" (Fishman 17).

When I fill up my Camelback water-bottle for a day full of classes and studying, I never really think about my water's previous life; how Marilyn Monroe could've bathed in it, how it was once in a cloud that I've flown through, or possibly been previously consumed by a former President. It's pretty mind-boggling to consider the lifecycle of all of the water that is on Earth. How many times has it been reused and taken on a new form? Before reading The Big Thirst, I wasn't very cognizant of this fact...

When I look at the water flowing out of my bathroom faucet, I can't help but to look at in a new light now. Fishman makes the point that water is not really as 'clean' as we think it is. Sure, it has been treated in order to purify it and make it usable for consumption or other uses, however, it's not this new, first-time seeing daylight, form of science. It is a beautiful, mythical, and fascinating form of reused nature. When we learned about the lifecycle of water in elementary school, I didn't truly realize the gravity of its impact in my own life and existence. After all, it is the reason we are all able to still be alive today!

I took environmental science my freshman year here at TCU and we were taken on a field trip to a wastewater treatment facility in town. Little did I know at that point in time, just how vital these treatment plants are and what an essential part of our world they play. It only people were more conscious of water's fleeting availability and inability to be created, perhaps we might see a few less floating coaches in the middle of the Trinity River...

Another topic that Fishman discusses in the first few chapters of his novel is how, even if you cut your water consumption, it would not necessarily mean that those in other countries without clean water would have access to, nor the money, to utilize your consumption-cutting. However, there is an incredible movement from UNICEF that donates more clean water to impoverished countries, the less you use your cell phone. So if you set down your cell phone without texting, calling, checking Instagram, etc. for even 10 minutes, you can provide a child with water for a day. The longer you go without your phone, the more good you are doing for those without access and funding for clean water. I encourage everyone to check out the website and challenge yourself to do good for not only others, but for yourself!

http://tap.unicefusa.org/

This book is opening my eyes to many startling, unsettling, and fascinating facts about water. It truly is such a wonder that is so easily taken for granted.